October 24th

Okay so on October 24Th, yes I know that was yesterday, my brother Marcus would have been 20 years old, I can't believe it has been 20 years sometimes I still feel like that little girl with her head buried in her dad's side watching the burial of her brother, I was 6 and I remember the funeral home I refused to go up to see him my mom asked a few times, I said no each time, I remember the pain, I saw the tears in everbodys eyes, I remember what dad was wearing that stupid tan jacket, how I hated that jacket, it had so many happy and so many sad memories, I remember being cold but dad didn't have a coat, but mostly remember dad holding me, I don't have that this year and it is making it a harder time, the memories and the nightmares, I never I imaged, not having him around on this day, and it hurts worse.