Worst Birthday Coming Up Ever

Already bored at work go figure... My birthday is Monday and it is going to be the worse birthday ever for those who know me know why for those who don't my father John C. Rochholz passed away on Augest 15th, he was only 50 and it was so sudden. Mom and I spent the day with him rode bikes, played a stupid game, something with the word golf but we are though balls to try to land them on a plastic rail thing, then went shopping we just bought him new cloths for school (he was going school to get his Class A CDL) and found a pair of jeans in his size really nice for only a couple of dollars at Kmart, then went back to the campsite (we were camping) and he chopped some wood and started a fire, had some heartburn, told me to cook the steak him and mom would be back after picking up mason (one of my 4 brothers) and instead my uncle came and picked me up, I knew then I felt it, it is the worst thing that has ever happend, and the furnerl home and the cemetary and everybody is just throwing so much at you and you have to make a choice now and ugh it is just horrible, then the person at the cemetary told my mom if my dad had come in and got his plot when he was alive it would have been free now they couldn't have told them that when we had to bury 3 of my brothers ( I have 7, 3 were stillborn), it is horrible, I miss him so, sometimes I still thinkg this is a nightmare and I am going to wake up it doesn't feel real though I know it is and it will hit me and I will just cry, and everybody is asking how are you how is your mom how is your family doing, how do you think we are doing is what I want to reply it is so stupid to ask that bloody question! A big chunk of our life was taken from us with out cause or reason and so suddenly, he was fine no issues and only 50! Really put yourself in the same shoes how would you be doing? I just want to snap at them but I don't it is rude, and my parents brought me up not to be so rude, though I can get rude and loud at people, and snap at them without cause I just don't put up with stupid people or people who clearly shouldn't be doing what they are doing, or ones that can't read their own guidelines (Talking about companies here) Anyways Later